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CELEBRITY GHASTERCHEF

14 May

Dinner time is always witching hour in this spooky cooking competition, Ghasterchef puts the devil back into devilled eggs. Dead celebrity ghosts compete to win the title of Britain’s best celebrity amateur ghost chef. Greg and John judge via Ouija board and special ghost detecting cameras allow the viewers at home to see even the most ethereal of ghosts. Ronnie Corbett is a poltergeist who covers every dish with powdered custard, Mrs Beeton fills bowls with deliciously flavoured blood, George Best makes dish after dish of immaculate food which tastes beautiful for a second before turning into ash in your mouth. Watch as the hosts slowly lose their grasp on reality, everyone is a sinner but only one person can be a winner in Ghasterchef. Cooking doesn’t get scarier than this.

 

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MAKE AMERICA BAKE AGAIN

8 Aug

Mary Berry and Donald Trump present this US reboot of the Great British Bake off, Berry actually just calls Trump Paul for the whole series, seemingly not being able to tell the difference. Billed as the most patriotic cookery programme ever each episode requires the contestants to make cakes inspired by America. Showstoppers include walls to keep out the Mexicans out, guns, and of course mass shootings. The beauty of the show is that the producers have purposefully cast incredibly inept bakers as competitors so every melted chocolate flag, every burnt mount rushmore loaf, every Whitehouse meringue in flames appears as a bitter attack on Trump’s glowing visage.

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Internationalist Rescue

21 Jul

The Thunderbirds crew have had a dramatic ideological transformation. A rescue attempt on board a high speed jet train results in them blindly sacrificing the lives of hundreds of workers as they lift the passenger carriages from the track but leave the front carriage, complete with engineer and driver, to career into a busy industrial estate that surrounds the train sidings that they have successfully diverted the train into. Afterwards, celebrating a successful rescue John Tracy, who watched the whole thing from Thunderbird 5 gives a rousing and chastising speech to the rest of the team, the scales fall from the Tracys’ eyes and they finally see the techno-fascist world in which they live. Lady Penelope immediately resigns – a staunch capitalist of course – Parker however takes on a more central role in the now horizontally organised Internationalist Rescue.  As a consequence of this dramatic turn around the Thunderbirds re-focus their efforts on supporting labour disputes throughout the world, and the series follows their revolutionary efforts.

 

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HOMES UNDER THE HAMMER

6 Jul

Lucy Alexander and Martin Roberts buy the houses of people that have recently had them reposessed and make them watch while they destroy them with hammers – laughing.

Brexit at Tiffany’s

27 Jun

One night David Cameron finds Boris Johnson climbing through his window. He is fascinated by his eccentric behaviour and apparent connections to the mob. A strange courtship follows in which Boris repeatedly exhibits bizaare behaviour and threatens to run away to marry other people for money. David becomes fed up and moves out of his apartment, months later Boris writes him a telegram asking Dave out for dinner, though only because he is about to leave the country to pursue another wealthy man. The two of them are arrested due to Boris’ dealings with the criminal underworld. Dave is not charged and meets Boris upon his being bailed from prison holding Boris’ cat. They argue and Boris releases the unfortunate kitty into the pouring rain, Dave confront’s Boris over his ridiculous behaviour towards him before running off to look for the cat. Eventually Dave and Boris find each other and wrestle manfully in the downpour before falling into a gutter kissing. Meanwhile the poor cat – the real victim here – is run over by an articulated lorry.

 

T.R.I.S.T.A.N. & iSolder

23 Jun

A heartbreaking miniseries about two robots. T.R.I.S.T.A.N is a war machine set to collect the repairbot iSolder and take them to Mark 1, the cyborg leader of Cornwall. Caught in a battle on their journey iSolder repairs T.R.I.S.T.A.N’s wounds with their next-gen soldering skills. However their relationship remains robotlike and cold until they accidentally have a virus uploaded onto their systems and fall suddenly, irrevocably in love. The two bots realise that their love is incompatible with their current standing orders and they go on the run. As such they have broached one of the key laws of robotics, is this a skynet moment or is it simply true love?  Mark 1,must try to track them down and make a decision, should the robots be allowed to love, free from the constraints forced upon them by man or should they be crushed into tiny robo-cubes?

Mark’s Zucker Iceberg

12 Jun

Aaron Sorkin returns to tell the story of Mark Zuckerberg taking on the Winklevi in this 12 part sequel to the Social Network that asks what if  Mark Zuckerberg  tried to prevent rising sea levels by spending all of his money on sugar and making it into massive icebergs to offset the melting icecaps?  The consequences are tragic as it becomes apparent that not only is the issue more icecap than iceberg, but in a dramatic twist in the final episode – sugar is soluble. Consequentially water levels actually rise more than they would have done without the intervention of Zuckerberg. The Winklevi stop claiming it was all their idea and instead row around Zuckerberg’s now flooded mansion gloating and jeering.