Brexit at Tiffany’s

27 Jun

One night David Cameron finds Boris Johnson climbing through his window. He is fascinated by his eccentric behaviour and apparent connections to the mob. A strange courtship follows in which Boris repeatedly exhibits bizaare behaviour and threatens to run away to marry other people for money. David becomes fed up and moves out of his apartment, months later Boris writes him a telegram asking Dave out for dinner, though only because he is about to leave the country to pursue another wealthy man. The two of them are arrested due to Boris’ dealings with the criminal underworld. Dave is not charged and meets Boris upon his being bailed from prison holding Boris’ cat. They argue and Boris releases the unfortunate kitty into the pouring rain, Dave confront’s Boris over his ridiculous behaviour towards him before running off to look for the cat. Eventually Dave and Boris find each other and wrestle manfully in the downpour before falling into a gutter kissing. Meanwhile the poor cat – the real victim here – is run over by an articulated lorry.

 

T.R.I.S.T.A.N. & iSolder

23 Jun

A heartbreaking miniseries about two robots. T.R.I.S.T.A.N is a war machine set to collect the repairbot iSolder and take them to Mark 1, the cyborg leader of Cornwall. Caught in a battle on their journey iSolder repairs T.R.I.S.T.A.N’s wounds with their next-gen soldering skills. However their relationship remains robotlike and cold until they accidentally have a virus uploaded onto their systems and fall suddenly, irrevocably in love. The two bots realise that their love is incompatible with their current standing orders and they go on the run. As such they have broached one of the key laws of robotics, is this a skynet moment or is it simply true love?  Mark 1,must try to track them down and make a decision, should the robots be allowed to love, free from the constraints forced upon them by man or should they be crushed into tiny robo-cubes?

Mark’s Zucker Iceberg

12 Jun

Aaron Sorkin returns to tell the story of Mark Zuckerberg taking on the Winklevi in this 12 part sequel to the Social Network that asks what if  Mark Zuckerberg  tried to prevent rising sea levels by spending all of his money on sugar and making it into massive icebergs to offset the melting icecaps?  The consequences are tragic as it becomes apparent that not only is the issue more icecap than iceberg, but in a dramatic twist in the final episode – sugar is soluble. Consequentially water levels actually rise more than they would have done without the intervention of Zuckerberg. The Winklevi stop claiming it was all their idea and instead row around Zuckerberg’s now flooded mansion gloating and jeering.

 

Idris Elba

24 May

Six part series examining the history of the Italian island of Elba, presented by Idris Elba. Other than the part about Napoleon it is quite boring.

Bill & Ben’s Excellent Adventure

23 May

Bill & Ben are two future leaders of the world, in order to ensure that this comes to pass they send someone back in time to help them pass a test at school. However there is a mix up and they end up with the flower pot men, not the intended stoners . The flower pot men jump on the opportunity and they beat the future emissary to death with their terracotta fists. They then steal the time machine and venture into time and space. A pair of right proper bastards they cause chaos throughout time venturing seemingly randomly to different societies in history and killing important figures. However on their last trip they visit a community of other flower pot people, on the eve of the genocidal destruction of the ancient race of terracotta people. The audience realises that their previous belief that Bill and Ben were evil crazed killers whilst correct was not based on full information – this was revenge. Bill & Ben rejoin their ancestors and with the benefit of hindsight are able to fight off the murderous humans who planned to kill them. We end with Bill and Ben disabling the time machine and rejoining their people ready for a new and more just history to begin.

Chris Packham’s Pacman Pachyderm Project

18 May

FINALLY

Chris Packham gets members of the public to compete for prizes by playing Pacman except instead of a computer game it is played with actual camels painted different colours and chased around a maze by celebrities who are having instructions shouted to them by the competitors.

It’s a knockout with gratuitous animal cruelty which Packham becomes increasingly distressed by. Ultimately Packham has an off screen fist fight with the director resulting in him being replaced by Fearne Cotton half way through an episode.

(regretfully edited to remove typo that originally read “plaid with actual camels”)

CYNDI LOOPER

18 May

It is 1977 and Cyndi Lauper is employed as an assassin who kills people with bags on their heads who materialise in fields. ONE DAY the person has gotten the bag off of their head and it is her future self. Before she shoots the old cyndi lauper does a runner, the chase ensues but eventually they decide to team up and write She’s So Unusual together. In the final scene they dance infront of a mirror singing Girls Just want to Have Fun using hairbrushes as microphones – fade to black, and the real adventure begins.