Love Three Mile Island

A group of twenty something singletons try to find love while they await the meltdown of the aging nuclear power station they live in the shadow of.

CELEBRITY GHASTERCHEF

Dinner time is always witching hour in this spooky cooking competition, Ghasterchef puts the devil back into devilled eggs. Dead celebrity ghosts compete to win the title of Britain’s best celebrity amateur ghost chef. Greg and John judge via Ouija board and special ghost detecting cameras allow the viewers at home to see even the most ethereal of ghosts. Ronnie Corbett is a poltergeist who covers every dish with powdered custard, Mrs Beeton fills bowls with deliciously flavoured blood, George Best makes dish after dish of immaculate food which tastes beautiful for a second before turning into ash in your mouth. Watch as the hosts slowly lose their grasp on reality, everyone is a sinner but only one person can be a winner in Ghasterchef. Cooking doesn’t get scarier than this.

 

MAKE AMERICA BAKE AGAIN

Mary Berry and Donald Trump present this US reboot of the Great British Bake off, Berry actually just calls Trump Paul for the whole series, seemingly not being able to tell the difference. Billed as the most patriotic cookery programme ever each episode requires the contestants to make cakes inspired by America. Showstoppers include walls to keep out the Mexicans out, guns, and of course mass shootings. The beauty of the show is that the producers have purposefully cast incredibly inept bakers as competitors so every melted chocolate flag, every burnt mount rushmore loaf, every Whitehouse meringue in flames appears as a bitter attack on Trump’s glowing visage.

Internationalist Rescue

The Thunderbirds crew have had a dramatic ideological transformation. A rescue attempt on board a high speed jet train results in them blindly sacrificing the lives of hundreds of workers as they lift the passenger carriages from the track but leave the front carriage, complete with engineer and driver, to career into a busy industrial estate that surrounds the train sidings that they have successfully diverted the train into. Afterwards, celebrating a successful rescue John Tracy, who watched the whole thing from Thunderbird 5 gives a rousing and chastising speech to the rest of the team, the scales fall from the Tracys’ eyes and they finally see the techno-fascist world in which they live. Lady Penelope immediately resigns – a staunch capitalist of course – Parker however takes on a more central role in the now horizontally organised Internationalist Rescue.  As a consequence of this dramatic turn around the Thunderbirds re-focus their efforts on supporting labour disputes throughout the world, and the series follows their revolutionary efforts.

 

HOMES UNDER THE HAMMER

Lucy Alexander and Martin Roberts buy the houses of people that have recently had them reposessed and make them watch while they destroy them with hammers – laughing.

This Guy At Night

In a time of budget cuts, even the pittance on which the BBC’s flagship astronomy programme is made begins to look vulnerable.  The solution then is just to film Professor Chris Lintott in his back garden at night, squinting through a telescope.  No crew, no graphics, no fuss.

Panoramayana

A kitchen cooking vessel becomes the seventh avatar of Vishnu, with hilarious consequences.

The Great British Sowing Bee

Heartwarming family drama about a young, patriotic apiarist who trains one of his hive to plant seeds.

Brexit at Tiffany’s

One night David Cameron finds Boris Johnson climbing through his window. He is fascinated by his eccentric behaviour and apparent connections to the mob. A strange courtship follows in which Boris repeatedly exhibits bizaare behaviour and threatens to run away to marry other people for money. David becomes fed up and moves out of his apartment, months later Boris writes him a telegram asking Dave out for dinner, though only because he is about to leave the country to pursue another wealthy man. The two of them are arrested due to Boris’ dealings with the criminal underworld. Dave is not charged and meets Boris upon his being bailed from prison holding Boris’ cat. They argue and Boris releases the unfortunate kitty into the pouring rain, Dave confront’s Boris over his ridiculous behaviour towards him before running off to look for the cat. Eventually Dave and Boris find each other and wrestle manfully in the downpour before falling into a gutter kissing. Meanwhile the poor cat – the real victim here – is run over by an articulated lorry.

 

T.R.I.S.T.A.N. & iSolder

A heartbreaking miniseries about two robots. T.R.I.S.T.A.N is a war machine set to collect the repairbot iSolder and take them to Mark 1, the cyborg leader of Cornwall. Caught in a battle on their journey iSolder repairs T.R.I.S.T.A.N’s wounds with their next-gen soldering skills. However their relationship remains robotlike and cold until they accidentally have a virus uploaded onto their systems and fall suddenly, irrevocably in love. The two bots realise that their love is incompatible with their current standing orders and they go on the run. As such they have broached one of the key laws of robotics, is this a skynet moment or is it simply true love?  Mark 1,must try to track them down and make a decision, should the robots be allowed to love, free from the constraints forced upon them by man or should they be crushed into tiny robo-cubes?